I’m finally getting a breather. I was so drug out from all that’s been going on I didn’t have enough energy to get out of my chair one day. Life was that crazy. Things are better now. I finally found some help and I’m beginning to feel rested.
HaHa! As soon as I wrote “things are better now” my computer graphic card went out. Corruption has its challenges, so the craziness continues. Sans computer, I ended up reading Jennifer Fultweiler’s One Beautiful Dream: The Rollicking Tale of Family Chaos, Personal Passions, and Saying Yes to Them Both. While reading, I came across her account of how much Resistance she received while trying to write her book: everything from self-doubt to major illnesses. Resistance, as she describes it, is a term used by Steven Pressfield in the The War of Art to explain the pushback phenomenon everyone experiences when they begin to create. If that’s the case, then Resistance rears his ugly head every time I turn around. This is the second attempt to write this blog post. The first time the graphics card in my computer went out. This time the computer froze up and required a restart to get it back up and running. Those are minor examples. There have been larger ones. The largest–the clerical sex abuse scandal and cover-up–almost derailed me. I still don’t what I’m going to do.
What I can’t do is point people to the Catholic Church. What would I say? Join the one holy and apostolic Catholic Church where your children can be sexually abused by the priests and bishops. So your beautiful child can be turned into a drug-addicted wreck, live a horribly wounded life, and, possibly, finish that off with suicide. All caused by the men who act in persona Christi and the apostolic successors. What a friggen joke. God, I’m so angry. Of course, they keep it all under wraps because people learning about it would create a scandal and give the devil something which to RIGHTLY accuse the Church. That’s the real scandal according to the pope. Not the actual crimes themselves, but reporting the crimes and being upset about them.
I could tell people about synodality. I’m sure that’ll be a wonderful evangelization point. It must be of great concern to people because even though the pope claimed they weren’t prepared to talk about the sex abuse crisis during the synod on young people they worked overtime to get synodality included. This is all so ridiculous I can’t even continue. There’s too much to list and it just keeps going on and on and on. I get so angry I can’t even think straight.
So ixnay on all that. There is good news. Thank be to God. Literally. Like I stated earlier, these scandals nearly derailed me. I was incredibly disheartened until the Holy Spirit informed me God can fix the Church. Not only did it hearten me, but it reminded me of a couple of dreams I’ve had.
One was not too long after I became a Christian. I never dreamt much, prior. I know people say everyone has dreams, but you just don’t remember them. Whether it was memory or I just didn’t have them that all changed. After becoming a Christian I not only had them but remembered them. It’s been about 16 years and I still remember many of them from those days. In one of them I saw a beach and scattered all over it were these broken tinker toys. Then I saw God walking along the beach picking up the pieces. I think I recall that one now because I think it’s appropriate to say the Church has been wrecked. This is what’s so damnable regarding the Church today: all the souls whose lives are in peril of being lost and/or cast off because these men have been allowed to run amuck.
Another one was more recent. I believe it was before the Vigano letters and the Pennsylvania grand jury report. In this dream/nightmare I was walking towards a narrow alley. There were two men with me. One was on my left, the other on my right. Out of nowhere this huge knife appears. In the dream, the knife didn’t come out of the sky, but more like a pendulum that swung along the horizontal rather than the vertical. It was leveled at the head of the man on my left, much like when they say someone levels a gun at a person. It appeared, swung until it bashed his head in. Then it disappeared.
Then just lately, I saw a large room. It looked like a flophouse, it was dirty and disgusting, but I understood it to be a commune. In this dream, in the middle of the commune a man was raping a woman with what looked to be the wooden end of a plunger. There were other men with him. They were standing, if it can be said, at every corner of her: one at each foot and one at each shoulder. They were just standing there watching. Then they were gone and another man (who looked like Lord Jesus) was there and he stood by the woman while other men made short order of cleaning up the commune. It was almost suddenly clean with the exception of few men working around the periphery to finish it up.
I get the sense that the woman represented the Church proper while the commune was the church at large (not really sure what that means). I don’t know who the men were, but their positions signified they were from every corner of the Church. The second man represented Lord Jesus who will stand by the Church proper and He and his helpers will clean up the rest.
In light of the Holy Spirit’s comfort I’m going ahead with the magazine. Another help is focusing less on what I can’t do and more on what I can do. That’s when the ideas start to come.
God bless! And thanks be to God for God!